husbands are just babies all grown up

Thank you Kathy Stowell for your wacky sense of humor and a great tangible way to be nice to my hubby even when I don't want to...as we do when they make us mad, irritated, whatever ...don't we?  Read her fun tips for marriage here and especially my favorite, #10 ;-)  Fun.

My mother-in-law, Erica and my baby husband Martin

Oma and Opa visit in April/May

We only see them every two to three years so our time together is precious.  Here is some of the photos of Martin's parents, his brother Peter and mine and Martin's little family during the visit.

The stories of fleeing Nazi invaded Poland and occupied Germany never cease to amaze us.  The stories about the mission field are encouraging.  My inlaws divine viewpoint attitude in many if not most things, is a direct result of enduring all of life's challenges with the Lord as their guide.

Another sweet one to love.  I hope he will get time to know them and their love too while here.

They lead us in songs we all sing together or try to anyway, we read books together aloud, share our thoughts, play some games and just take time to bridge the generation gap and cultural gap with easy conversation.

We had several meals together.  This time is from the first visit.  There were two.  They stayed with Peter.

Listening, munching.

They have been married 53 years.  My husband is one of their three sons.  They have been missionaries to one area in Cameroun, Africa for over 45+ years, supplanting indigenous pastors and creating a written language for the people of the area who did not have one when they first arrived in the early 1960's.  That is just the surface of them and all that I love to learn about them.

A day may as well be a week

These days of winding down are kind of hectic.  The very fact that I can admit that they are winding down in the last months of pregnancy is a big enough step.  There is so much I want to do but just cannot fit it all in the day or night.  I crave my afternoon nap, I want to finish up formal schooling around here before Thanksgiving.  I want to nest and knit more.  I want to just keep house and make nutritious food.  I just want to get to the park more in the cooler days ahead.  This is a smattering of what is going on right now in photos.  The busy-ness of our life together as a family will only increase in time.  I am trying not to overhwhelm myself with it all and just take it all in one day at a time.

 King Tutankamen exhibit at the MFAH coincides with our history timeline as we are in Egypt right now.  It was not child targeted and I noticed, I was the only parent with a gaggle of children in attendance, however, we paced it fine, even enough for me to enjoy it..no snacks or drinks in tow.  It was great and they did great.  I was not informed though that the mummy of King Tut has never left his tomb and the one we saw, enclosed in a plexiglass case, was a duplicate.  It was still amazing to see in person.  The children thought it was gross.  The gift shop was fun and everyone got a souvenir of shiny rocks.

An early Saturday morning ultrasound.  I have had two now in this pregnancy.  Against what I would rather do considering the controversy of their saftety however, I felt the benefits outweighed the risks, both times.  My back up midwife, Leah, thought I had excessive amniotic fluid.  We wanted to see if I had what is called polyhydramnios which can indicate a host of things, most likely, I would have thought, a birth defect as the other reasons did not seem feasible for me.  A prayer just before from Martin as we went in, as a family to check on the baby.  A prayer to accept God's plan for this little one.  The test showed no excessive fluid and a normal babe.  We don't do prenatal testing so things can still present at birth but excessive testing leads to excessive worry and false positives...we let the Lord handle the details.  The rest of the day, we counted our blessings and savored the moments together and healthy.

Why is it, just before the baby is born, the "baby" stops acting like, well, a baby?

 

More potty interest and exploration.

Paint mommy?  Yes.  She has special little girl paint for when mama is inspired to paint her toes and we do it together most times.

Woke up early and hit the grocery store with me recently.  It was all good with her Starbucks hot apple cider.

Fall Festival at the TGR Exotics Wildlife Park.  We are still asking ourselves, why didn't Daddy jump in on this photo?  It was a pro photographer that took it that day.  We still shake our heads.  That is a baby kangaroo, a joey, in the pouch in my arms...so sweet!  I guess I love baby anything!

Roasting the largest pumpkin ever in my life.  Made puree and froze some, made bread with the rest and trying to get more Vitamin A from whole foods into all the people here as much as possible.

I cannot believe I am showing you this, but, here it is...I have placed a small mirror that I had gotten out for a science project, in my window, above the ktichen sink.  When I catch a glimpse of the mama in it, as she tosses more dishes in there, washes them, washes her hands for the 20th time today, etc., her face reminds me that "the children need you to love them and show them on your face".  There is so much meaning in just your face.  I have enjoyed seeing what I look like to them, throughout the day.  I also give the reflection a pep talk when necessary.  I think it has made me more aware of how I behave even if mama is tired and ready for that nap!  Be nice please, be kind, be patient.  I am always modeling.  Like it or not.

 cursive writing and happy at the ease of it

 sounding out letters better and better all the time

The YMCA had a Fall Festival complete with bounce houses, a train ride, small games for candy.  This was on a Friday night so going out on a Friday night?  Well, unheard of in our house.  We did it though and were happy to do it.  They enjoyed it for the most part.  The weather also had changed from mosqitoes and humid to cool and dry..much better to enliven a night out.

More thoughts and memories to come...

What he did

I am still a little shocked at this behavior.  My second born was motivated by what, I still do not know and can only speculate.  My first born is still "feeling" it in more than one way.

We have a secured bookcase that the boys, like it or not, love to perch on and read/play or even take leaps to the floor..sometimes dropping army guys with parachutes..."Mom, it is the best spot!" they plead.  One morning, Winston was reading/playing on top the shelf and Gunnar was directly below reading quietly...until, all broke loose.  Gunnar wailed in pain suddenly and came to me with Winston soon behind with a tone of voice that indicated his intentions and then his words, he was sorry.  One of these,

a sturdy cedar tree section pencil holders made by John and Cheryl Amelang, right on his noggin!  Ouch.

And boy, was he hot!  He gets really mad and I would too...it was surprise attack in his mind...although, an accident.

And here is where the shock comes.  Winston made what I would call, a trail of apology..of sorts.

 As you walk along, first there is a smiley made of blocks...

 then a frown...

 then a sweet smiley again and,

 a collection of books, toys and a favorite copy of Gunnar's Calvin and Hobbes library and his own loved handmade Hobbes.  So sweet.  It made a big difference to Gunnar.  He really appreciated it and the brothers carried on their friendship! 

Beachy and Chickies

This free picture slideshow personalized with Smilebox

::right now::

With laryngitis since last Saturday, this is how I am doing and thinking right now. It is just about torture for a literature based homeschooling mom of three pre-readers, to not read to her children and just about impossible but I have been forced to minimize it this week. I don't want them to suffer just because I do but man, this mama has to be creative! Thank you to Soulemama for her inspiration to blog even when there is so much going on that is somewhat unmanageable, yet, we make it through.

• I am thankful for toddlers who love to "help"
• I am thankful for audio books like E.B. White's Stuart Little and The Trumpet of the Swan
• I am thankful for the wonderful live action movie, Milo and Otis
• I am thankful for Stoneybrook Farms organic yogurt squeezers
• I am thankful for http://www.starfall.com/
• I am thankful for creative free play with cardboard boxes and construction paper
• I am thankful for the start of a huge fort building project between the children and my husband
• I am thankful that a unknown fracture in a mason jar did not harm me at all even though it could have been quite a serious kitchen injury
• I am thankful for gluten-free boxed cereal
• I am thankful for backyard nature study of geckos
• I am thankful for contant, quiet knitting projects to work on while children ride bikes and explore out in our front yard and circle
• I am thankful for nice librarians who know I cannot use my voice to manage my children (how embarrassing)
• I am thankful for a boy who "hates" reading lessons but is loving sounding out words, everywhere he goes
• I am thankful for planning and resources for composting and making fermented foods for better health and my desire to start fresh
• I am thankful for living in the moment, right now

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread? ~ Psalm 27:1

Surgery Prep in Martin's words

John 10 : 27-30

My sheep hear My voice and I know them and they follow Me

and I give eternal life to them and they will never perish and no one will snatch them out of My hand

My Father who has given them to Me is greater then all and no one is able to snatch them out of my Father's hand

I and the Father are one

John 3 : 15-16

so that whoever believes will in Him have eternal life

For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Acts 16:31

Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved

Josh 1:9

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Prov 6:22

When you walk about Bible doctrine will guide you. When you sleep Bible doctrine will watch over and when you awake Bible doctrine will talk to you.


Hi everyone,

We are but a few days away from surgery and have had time to prepare, reflect and be thankful. Since it is the week of Thanksgiving, it is a good time to think about being thankful for everything.

We can be thankful that the gift of salvation is for all of us and that it requires no human input other then your volition and saying " I believe on the Lord Jesus Christ ".

We can be thankful that nothing can snatch us from the hand of God. This is a tremendous comfort and manifestation of eternal security.

We can be thankful for the logistical grace from God that sustains us every day.

We can be thankful for the extension of grace that we have to spend time with family and loved ones and to have the freedom to do so.

We can be thankful for our freedom that we have right now which is also an extension of His grace.

We approach my upcoming surgery on the 30th of November with peace of mind and a relaxed mental attitude. I will either wake up after surgery and see my wife or I will wake up in heaven. The Lord in eternity past took care of the details and we have faith in Him that all things will work out. Even if He takes me home, my wife and the kids will be provided for. That gives us confidence and hope.

My surgery will be somewhat involved and complex. They will remove half of my lower jaw that is dead or dying and all the tissue around it that has scar tissue and has not responded to any therapy. This is all a by product of radiation, the gift that keeps on giving. It will be replaced with a part of my leg (fibula bone) and donor tissue from my calf and thigh. They also plan to use a piece of titanium in the reconstruction phase. The estimated time for this surgery is about 8 hours, 3 hours to take out and 5 hours to rebuild.

At the same time, they will look and test for any new cancerous tumors that maybe in my mouth. If they do find cancer, they will have to modify the process and address that challenge as well.

After surgery, they will move me to the ICU unit for a period of time until I can be moved to the rehab floor to recover. The first 24-48 hours are critical in that the donor flap is monitored to make sure my body is not rejecting it.

One of the side effects of using my fibular bone is that I will tend to walk in circles due to the missing piece in my leg. Since it is my right leg that will have the fibular bone section removed, I will walk in only right circles......talk about hanging out with the right crowd! This will actually be very helpful for my wife because as I get older and more senile, all she has to do is throw me out into the back yard and I will wander around in circles and never be out of sight. Even the kids will be able to keep track of me.

As to the titanium plate, we were in luck. With the cancellation of the shuttle program at NASA, they have started to sell off or donate shuttle parts. We were able to get a piece from the wing in a trade for a teleprompter. NASA said that some guy in Washington needed the teleprompter as his died on 2 Nov, 2010. I also got a discount on the surgery by bringing my own tools for the surgeons to use. I had an extra Ryobi sawsall with extra batteries that will be quite handy.....not to mention the year supply of hurricane duct tape that we did not need due to global cooling.

The ongoing battle with the bone fracture and necrosis has effected me in the last weeks. My mouth has slowly closed to a point where my teeth are touching and no longer can be opened. I manage to stuff food through a small opening on one side where I am missing some teeth. I try to keep my mouth and teeth clean by using the water spray from the shower, a water pick and oral rinses that have antibiotics and cleaners in them. Even if with all that, I still have an infection that makes my daily routine an adventure.

My left side of my face has become quite swollen due to the dead bone and infection. This has spread into other areas of my mouth and made talking and swallowing a challenge. I look and feel like you know what.

I remember the good old days from about 6 weeks ago when I could still get my obturator out.....funny how 5 mm can be such a big deal.

Yet we are mandated in the Bible to be thankful in ALL things. A funny little quote from my dad puts it into perspective.

"When you are being thankful, you do not have time to complain". (He used a different word for complain....rhymes with itch)

I Thes 5:18

In everything give thanks for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

I will not be sending out an email until after surgery. Traci will get the word out via our church, email and a few other contacts while I am in the ICU unit. I plan to email everyone once I am on the rehab floor of the hospital.

Attached is the photo of the man praying and being thankful. I love that print and wanted to pass it on again. Thanks in advance for the prayer support and encouragement.

Semper Fi

Martin, Traci, Gunnar, Winston and Tessa

PS ~ With exception of a few people I have spoken to specifically or unless I have been contacted personally, please DO NOT visit the hospital while Martin is in surgery/recovery. We would prefer privacy during this challenging healing time with plenty of room for rest and recooperation, minimizing germs during cold/flu season (that is not just for Martin but for visitors too...the hospital is the worst place to find every kind of germ imaginable), etc. and would embrace your full prayer support instead. Thank you for understanding and respecting our wishes. ~ Traci

Romans 8:28 ~ And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love (TRUST) God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

For all the Yelling Mamas

A friend emailed this funny article to me below a few days ago. I just have to say..thank God that I can name my sins and move on and can still go to heaven because I am so guilty here! And, I think my children will be fine but they do imitate me...ouch. I do raise my voice a mite more than I would like to and at the tail end of a day of rethinking my tactics, this is a much appreciated and, amusing article..enjoy! See if you see yourself in here. -tm

***************************************


"Within each of us, ofttimes, there dwells a mighty and raging fury." —The Incredible Hulk

I don't consider myself an angry person. I can count on one hand the number of times I've shouted at my husband, and I wouldn't dream of raising my voice at a rude salesperson. In fact, in all the world, there are only three people I ever get veiny-necked at: my children, ages 7, 6, and 2.

I'm not proud that I couldn't imagine treating a line-cutting stranger the way I do my own flesh and blood on a daily basis. But strangers don't tend to work my last nerve like my own kids can. What I actually say when I yell at them tends more toward "I don't care how itchy it is — you're wearing that scarf!" than anything truly damaging, but nonetheless, I've been meaning to stop. Two years ago I gave up yelling at my kids for Lent. I should've known it wouldn't go well: If I couldn't last 40 days without dark chocolate, I'd never be able to abstain that long from my primary means of discipline. I went 10 days without chocolate. Without yelling? Four hours.

Recently, however, I've sensed that all my sound and fury is losing effectiveness. As I railed at my children one morning for fighting over Silly Bandz, I saw them cast furtive glances at one another — Here she goes again. That day, I gave myself a new challenge: no yelling at the kids for a week. Only seven days. At summer camp, when I was 9, I didn't brush my hair for a week on a bunkmate's dare. By the end, I could have happily worn a baseball cap for the rest of my life. Would a break from yelling be similarly liberating? I needed to find out.

DAY 1: THE CHALLENGE BEGINS
I send Seamus and Connor, my 6- and 7-year-old sons, to brush their teeth after breakfast, knowing that they can't peacefully coexist for more than 30 seconds. I hear them hollering through the floor. Then a thump that sounds like somebody's head. Then howls of rage.

Any other day, I'd take the stairs three at a time, shouting that they'd better cut it out if they ever want to see Scooby-Doo again in this lifetime. But today I just stand there, taking cleansing breaths, and after a few thump-filled minutes...silence. To my astonishment, their fight ends without my intervention, and no one loses an ear either.

I'm not yelling! I think, terribly proud of myself.

Problem: My kids are. Lowering my own voice has made it glaringly clear that my children live their entire lives at the top of their lungs. I stay out of their scuffles for the rest of the day, just listening to the din around me. Where did my children learn to go full-throttle like this? Sadly, the answer is obvious.

By saying almost nothing at all, I avoid yelling for the entire day — but this tactic won't work for a whole week. Is there a way to execute firm discipline in a kinder, gentler way?

DAY 2: SPEAK SOFTLY AND...
My plan for today is that I will interrupt their fighting, but each time I want to get louder, I will get quieter instead. Just like Supernanny does with her recalcitrant charges.

"Shut UP!" my oldest shouts across the kitchen table.

"No, YOU shut up!" his brother bellows back.

These words are forbidden in our house, but I'm tempted to yell them myself. Instead, I murmur so quietly that they have to ask me to repeat myself: "The next person who says 'shut up' has to do 10 push-ups."

The military-style threat quiets everyone down — except for my 2-year-old daughter, who says, "The next person to say 'shut up,' dem do 10 pushers?" Her brothers, suddenly sticklers for rules, insist she drop and give 'em 10. Maggie doesn't mind, but she's kind of vague on what push-ups are, exactly, and in the ensuing battle over whether her attempts count, my oldest accidentally uses the "S.U." words again, then refuses to perform his own punishment. Soon I'm standing over him shrieking like a demented drill sergeant because he won't do the push-ups I'd prescribed specifically to avoid yelling.

"How's your experiment going?" my husband asks when he gets home that night.

"I yelled at Connor this morning," I admit (on the defensive), "but he disobeyed me to my face!" David listens to my story and proceeds carefully. "Okay, he didn't do his 10 push-ups," he says gently, "but that was just a silly thing you made up. I mean, he wasn't running into traffic."

He's right. I was yelling about the push-ups, but the boys' fight was long over. To stop screaming, I need to learn to quit while I'm ahead.

DAY 3: THE STRESS TEST
I take the kids out to dinner with my friend Susan and her brood. Between us, we have five children ages 7 and under, which makes for a big, boisterous table. As our kids squirm and talk at top volume, the woman in the next booth gives me the fish-eye over the rim of her wine glass.

I want to say: If you're looking for a peaceful, child-free meal, lady, don't go to a pizza joint at 5:30 p.m. But I internalize her judgment of me as a bad mom who can't control three children. To prove her — and myself — wrong, I grab Seamus's arm and hiss under my breath: "Use your inside voice now, or I'm taking you right out to the car, mister!"

This quiets him down for a few seconds, then I have to threaten him again, then his brother, then him, then his sister. I'm in a full sweat, while Susan just sits there, enjoying a garlic knot as her daughter bounces on the banquette.

"That lady's shooting us dirty looks," I explain.

"Really?" Susan says. "I hadn't noticed."

"Maybe we should get the pizza to go," I say.

"Why?" Susan asks, genuinely confused. "They're not running wild. They're just being kids."

She has a point. I'm disciplining my kids to meet a stranger's standards. If their behavior isn't bothering anyone else in the restaurant, then the wino lady is the real problem.

DAY 4: IT'S A TONE THING
I go way easier on my kids today to make up for the pizza episode. When I find a trail of Goldfish crumbs across the living room, I don't conduct an interrogation; I Dustbust. When Maggie insists on wearing a tutu to the library even though it's 40 degrees outside, I let her wear it stuffed under her coat. I start to actually feel the calm I'm working so hard to project. I even think my kids are more peaceful. When David comes home, I meet him at the door to tell him my progress.

ME: "I didn't yell today! For real!" I shoo the kids upstairs while he raids the refrigerator.
DAVID: "Wow — good for you."
ME: "Kids! I said turn the TV off! Move it!" He sticks his head around the fridge door.
DAVID: "Uh. You're yelling."
ME: "That's not yelling!"
DAVID: "It's kind of yelling."
ME: "This! Isn't yelling! It's how I talk!" David smirks like someone who has just had his point made for him. "How else do I get them to brush their teeth the first dozen times I ask?"
DAVID: "Well, it's not only about decibel level."
ME: "What is it, a tone thing?"
DAVID: "If you notice, I don't really talk to the kids like you do."
ME: "If you notice, you don't really take care of the kids like I do." You can probably guess how the rest of the evening went: not so much volume, lots of "tone."

DAY 5: THAR SHE BLOWS!
Okay. Yesterday I thought I wasn't yelling and maybe I was, but today, I do not yell, in decibel or in tone. I smile and ask nicely, no matter how many times I have to repeat myself. This may be considered success, but I'm so stressed from the effort that I might blow a gasket. Then dinnertime arrives.

"I didn't want ketchup on my hamburger!" Seamus howls. "I wanted it NEXT to my hamburger! It's RUINED, and YOU RUINED IT, MOMMY!" I stand still, gripping the kitchen counter, but it's not working — probably because he can see that Mommy Teapot is about to boil over.

Later my friend AJ tells me, "When one of my kids really gets going, I whip out the camera and tell them I want to capture the moment."

"And they stop whining?!" I ask.

"Sorta," she says. "At least it gives me something to do besides throttling them." Huh. I've been meaning to take more pictures of the kids....

DAY 6: THE SIMPLE TRUTH
My friend Cece calls from Chicago at 9:30 a.m. on Saturday. As soon as I answer the phone, all three of my children start pulling on my pajamas wanting their second breakfast — you know, the one kids demand as soon as you finish dumping out the cereal they didn't eat 20 minutes earlier.

"I will make you French toast, but I'm on the phone," I hiss, and after a few minutes trying to catch up with Cece, crack eggs, and break up three fights, I hang up and tell them how disappointed I am in what I must admit is a slightly raised voice. The rest of the day, I focus mostly on the kids, and things go more smoothly.

Suddenly I realize: multitasking causes yelling. If I don't attempt to do anything besides parent my kids — including getting dressed and using the bathroom — why, I won't have to yell!

DAY 7: AN ALL-NEW MAD MOM
I wake up feeling enlightened. It's like a juice fast: impossible for six days, but suddenly I can do it forever. I marvel at how far I've come, and we have an amazing, sun-dappled day.

The kids are wild after dinner, and it takes me an extra half hour to get them down, but I don't crack. As I settle into the couch for what is, next to my family, the most important thing in my life — an all-new Mad Men — my heart swells with pride. And then Connor appears at my elbow to say, "Mom, I'm not tired."

ME: "Go to bed, buddy."
CONNOR: "But I'm not tired!"
ME: Firmly: "It's an hour past your bedtime!"
CONNOR: "NO! I want another story!"
ME: Getting louder: "No! No story! Mommy is closed!"
CONNOR: "But—"
ME: At full blast: "I'm DONE! Do you hear me? GO TO BED!"

And just like that, I went Betty Draper on him. I made it until 10:15 p.m. But I still failed.

So there you have it: I couldn't stop yelling for a week. But I did yell less. And I realized when and why I do it, and that, okay, it has less to do with the kids' behavior and more with my own moods. I'll probably keep yelling, but I'll also keep trying to stay calm. If the Hulk can turn back into Bruce Banner, there's still hope for me.

Article written by Amy Wilson

An update in Martin's words

Hi everyone,

This is a short update on my family and myself. We have had quite a month of trials. Yet, we have come through it and we are still standing. We do have some battle scars though.

About 4 weeks ago, we had to take our daughter Tessa to the emergency clinic at the hospital. She had a virus and it was starting to cause dehydration. Our family physician had recommended that based on her observation of Tessa during the doctor's visit. Fortunately, once we got to the ER, Tessa revived and was able to keep some liquid nourishment down and did not need an IV. We were blessed to have a very helpful nurse who knew what to do. We were discharged after a few hours. Tessa recovered in due time and was back to her usual self. As parents, this is quite a test to wait on the Lord.

A week later we were at the same ER again. This time it was my wife. I had to call for an ambulance. She had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. The physical and emotional aspects of this were quite intense. The loss cannot be described. We were blessed to have a good doctor and nursing staff who took care of Traci. Traci was discharged later in the day and able to go home. We stayed with her parents so that she could rest. We have had to reach into our memory bank and apply divine solutions to the human problems and seek comfort in the Lord's provisions and His plan for your life. For both Traci and I, this is an incredible test, yet we can find the comfort we need in the Word of God and His promises.

Last Sunday afternoon, the left side of my face became very swollen and painful. My jaw mobility was reduced to about 1-2mm. In the process of trying to open my mouth to remove my mouth piece, I heard a load crack or pop. At first I thought I broke a tooth. When I did not find anything, I then realized that it was something else. I assumed that I had re-fractured my jaw. I went of an xray at the MDA ER which did not show anything. The doctor on call thought that the swollen tissue was a result of my "breaking" some of the scar tissue or fibroid tissue while trying to get the mouth piece out. Hence the loud crack or popping noise.

I am scheduled for more tests at MDA today and next week to determine what the cause is. I also am scheduled for a panoramic xray of my jaws so that we can with confidence rule out a fracture.
In the meantime, I continue my routine and am using ice packs and compresses to keep the swelling down.
As I find out more details, I will provide an update.

Some have asked about my hyperbaric treatments and I completed 32 dives. I will not be doing any more "dives". I accomplished what I had hoped for which was to reduce or eliminate the infection in the back of my mouth.

I left out two small minor details that happened in the last 2 days. The first was on Tuesday afternoon when I had the whole family in the van. We were waiting at the intersection for the light to turn green. It turned green and I proceeded across the intersection and was 3/4 of the way through when we heard tires squealing...I looked in the rear view mirror and saw a pickup who had run the red light and missed us by 2 seconds. Had he hit us, it would have been square on right where all the kids were. I told my wife that obviously it was not our time to go to heaven. Yesterday while I was in the ER, my wife called and calmly told me that while putting gas in the van, she heard what sounded like water running and then realized that all the gas was running out on the pavement....the fuel line was compromised...kids all in the van...3 gallons of gas all over.... She was able to pull away and wait for our mechanic who came out to take care of it.

Thanks again to everyone for your prayer support

Semper Fi

Martin, Traci, Gunnar, Winston and Tessa

I am better, how are you?

Kitten therapy = good stuff

Just got up. Today is a new day. I will take things slowly and keep expectations low of myself for now. My body is healing well and so is my mind. Two nights ago when we returned home, I did not cry and only teared up once yesterday. I fully realized that our growing baby was not born alive and did not feel pain and know anything of what happened to its tiny body and life. That is comforting to me. It is not that I am trying not to cry, I just didn't cry or need to cry. I know the hole in my heart will get "softer" as Carole told me.

The kitchen island is a wreck with my homeschool journal open to last week..books, notes, receipts of life and living from the week before lay askew and waiting for organization. There are drink rings on the granite. The island is the hub of my days. I have noted the days of my miscarriage in the journal. The rest is blank. Today I will fill it or begin to refill it for learning opportunities for the children and I for next week and onward. We (really it is me) are still just getting a grip on meal plans, laundry, enjoying the cool weather and making sure all are doing well. We each, with the exception of little T, have grieved in some way. I did not expect it from my almost 4 and almost 7 year old but they had some problems with dealing with their Dad and I and how we were reacting/acting about the miscarriage. I did not hide my crying, anguish and shock from them. They saw the paramedics take me to the hospital afterall. All of us seem to be on the mend though I think. This passage floats through my head easily as it rests engraved on a cross in my kitchen window.

For I know the Plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you . Plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:1

I know that God has plans for me and my little family. His plans are not my plans but I am certain they are special and specific. It is right there in the Bible!

Martin does need special prayer. His mouth is especially tight these days..we think from the stress of what just happened.

I want to clean the house or at least just mop the floor. It needed it two weeks before the miscarriage and now I have added two more weeks of life to it....ick. I want to go to Walmart and pick up my new huge umbrella clothes dryer and buy some new clothespins. We noticed a $100 drop on our electric bill over the summer while I was using our single line dryer on the porch so we decided to get a larger one and I enjoy hanging laundry and diapers so that will be fun to set up soon. I will probably not go today though...I am not ready to haul big things and three kiddos...yet.

All in all, today I woke up with a sense of purpose and desire to live my day out a little more than the day before it. It is my first day "on my own" with the children and it will only be a half day at that...I am well supported and blessed with plenty of love and help. But not too much help that I don't get back in charge over here. I am Mom afterall. I am still hormonal and emotional at times. The children's noise is a little more annoying than usual for now. I have noticed that my belly is more slack as before and can fit in some regular clothes already. I was just beginning to show last week. I am feeling "slim" and that is a nice feeling. I can drink my favorite white wine, and black coffee. I prefer half decaf/half regular Dunkin Doughnut coffee..yum. The cool weather is inspiring. The friends and family that surround me and let me just...talk....is nourishing my soul. My pastor nourishes my soul with his teaching. Today I will make Chicken Quesadilla Pie from Simply Organic Recipes ( I tried to link but could not) and devour it tonight with my family. I have only been making sandwiches and pouring milk over dry cereal for days and am eager to get cooking again. I will bring my son to Taekwondo training tomorrow I think. I will resume it in time myself I think and then get little almost 4yo Win into it...he is dying to go to Taekwondo. It would make fair advantage so the boys can spar each other instead of Gun knowing how to block and kick, Win can give it right back!

I have something that we all have been learning about and enjoying for the last month or so... a new kitten! His name is Tom (Gun named him) and this weekend, we may add his sibling to our family. Yes...we will own five cats!!! Crazy cat people, I know. I love baby everything and think Tom needs a feline buddy too. I plan to save pennies to buy this since they are going to be house cats and I think our home would be nicer, cleaner, fresher, happier with this investment. There will only be two cats in the house and three in the shop/porch off the garage. I have lived with multiple cats and it is truly the one downside..litterboxes!

There are lots of animal learning opportunities...life is a classroom. Gun is learning when and how to use the water spray bottle to train Tom NOT to climb on the curtains, the kitchen table or the kitchen counter....Gun wants to spray him all the time for fun but is showing patience, restraint and discernment to use it for Tom's training. Last night, my 20 month old girl hauled a 3 lb. bag of dry kitten food all the way upstairs to her big brother (she wanted zero help I tell you!) and then he opened it and they all three fed and watered him...I am still working on teaching them to sweep up after Tom but it will come in time. It is a joy to see children with animals, it truly is a joy.

That is how I am doing, how are you?

Martin's cute announcement

Hi all,

6.5 years ago after the birth of our son Gunnar, my dad told me that now I would have the chance to learn things that I never wanted to learn before. Then Winston came along and I was learning more things that I had not planned on learning before. Then came Tessa and the learning process became even more pronounced.

Well God has a sense of humour because he felt that I was not learning enough, I now will have four learning opportunities.

I also hold responsible the 2 hours a day of extra oxygen that I am getting in the dive chamber for this additional learning opportunity.

When Gunnar was informed of the upcoming change in numbers, he stated with a grin to his mom that he would have a hard time taking care of two baby brothers...

As to Winston, he will probally be saying that phrase "Mommy, please come here and get your baby" a lot more especially when the child is in his things

Semper fi

Martin, Traci, Gunnar, Winston and Tessa

We are so happy to say...

we will be Mueller Six in April of 2011! I am expecting a new baby!

Gun says, with lots of drama and emphasis "you are going to take care of four children??", with a sweet smirk on his face and then, quite seriously, again with plenty of drama he says "Mommmmm, I can't control two little brothers." I tell him, oh sure you can.

Who says it will be a brother?

Lovelies

blending from a white to a yellow belt...

cleaning dirt out of driveway holes with power washing

first summer water fun

bubble bath

Christmas gifting work

I love my preparation/cook top

Last evening, after finishing dishes and readying to to upstairs for a shower and to relax, my husband said this to us who were still whirring downstairs..."allright my lovelies"....I love that.

This montage of photos is from one day, July 13, 2010

Book Review: The Calorie Counter

More philosophy, er, ahem..evaluating.

"People cut calories by 10% when they simply write down what they eat; 30% to 50% of those who keep a food diary, change their eating habits."

Boring and extra work for me, but apparently it works. I kept a food diary in my first pregnancy and low and behold, I only had 12 pounds extra by about two weeks post-partum so I think there is some truth to this assertion. No more excuses. For example: I was only 33 yrs old at the time versus my age now... Easier said than done when the going gets tough but I am ready to deal with it. So there is an emotional component to this food thing?

"There is less risk in activity than continuous inactivity."

Time to stop and evaluate what I am doing and start to improve upon it so I can lose that extra weight gain which could eventually cause a chronic illness..the list is scary enough to motivate me. Heart disease, cancer, diabetes and others I cannot remember. But mostly, I just want to wear the pants my mind thinks I can still wear. But I don't want this to be about vanity in the midst of our lean/skinny celebrity culture either. I just want to be physically stronger. I just want my core to be stronger and my back challenges to be over. I have had intermittent chiropractic care since Win was born so that has been several years. I believe the weight loss and exercise will do wonders. Sounds simple, right? Why is this so hard?? In comes this book. I like the title. The Calorie Counter. Straight forward and to the point. My sister and I always say, as you get older you have to eat less and we know that but making it happen is going to take some work. Who knew? I don't think that this is the best book on the subject necessarily but it was available and I got the 4th edition here as a starting point. I prefer a book to something like Nutri Mirror as you see here. My midwife Toni has had great success using this online tool.

Back to The Calorie Counter. The book talks about what a calorie is and why it is important. It demystifies things like did you know..the French are getting fat? And, your metabolism does not slow down if you yo-yo diet. Okay..I can buy that. Seems to me the formula is simple. Less calories + more activity = weight loss and even muscle gain. Muscle burns more calories than fat even at rest. I like this idea. So first, I will evaluate my activities because I seem to think I am not active enough...huh? don't I have three small children??

Here is a list of activity and limited sedentary inactivity to qualify me as a moderately active woman:

• Grocery shopping
• Gardening: I sweep, pull weeds, trim hedges
• Tae Kwon Do 2 Xs per week
• 5 hours t.v. per week (too much t.v. generally = inactivity that could be activity..duh)
• House work
• Three small children = chasing, diapering (chasing to diaper) I am not sure how to break this section down into calorie burning units but I know there are some there.

The book illustrates how many calories per minute burned in an activity and encourages you to keep a goal of calories to burn each week and keep track of it. I just want to know how many calories my activities burn because my goal is to burn calories already. The list above is not an extensive one and I have other activities planned that don't always happen so I know that I can increase my calorie burn if I do them. Callenetics, Zumba and yes friends, I bought a Shake Weight! Hmn....maybe this is the problem? I need to do them? You are to aim to burn 500 to 1,000 calories per week and then double that as you become more fit. Okay. Tae Kwon Do. Let's analyze. The book gives you a table of activities. There is a top row of pounds listed. It says to take the activity you have done and the pounds/weight closest to your current weight, then multiply the calories burned per minute by how many minutes you were active....phew!, okay then if I practiced Tae Kwon Do for 45 minutes, then by my closest weight of 125 lbs. X 10.6 calories per minute = 477 calories burned and twice per week = 954 calories burned per week roughly. By the book, I am doing pretty well and that is just one activity! Whoo-hoo!!! What I like is that I can look up an activity that maybe I don't normally do and find a caloric burn for it to add to my total for the week. Done.

Now the food part. Ick. This is where I think I am having the problem. Too much food for the activity level to equal weight loss. Man! I love to eat! This would seemingly be easier to manage..eating less, rather than adding more activity to my day. I already mentioned my three very young children right? I will begin this today to log the calories I take in each day for one week..maybe two, to see what I am getting. I will not try to make it better by not eating something simple because I am logging but rather eat like I usually do and log it. I will add up calories at the end of the day, every few days or even at the end of the week to keep it honest. By my calculations, I should be getting about 1400 - 1500 calories per day. I do not count breastfeeding anymore since the nursling is now getting better than half her calories from table food by my count. Breastfeeding requires about 300-500 extra calories per day but I think shaving off about this much per day on my intake could just set the right trend for me without compromising her. If breastfeeding, there are other online ways to decrease calories while making sure your baby is well nourished and I would go there for that type of calorie counting when a baby is under one year old. The book list gobs of food with portions and corresponding calories. I cook often so don't know how I can qualify that part. I will have to see how this will work.

Here we go! Wish me well!

"Best day ever!"

Friday late afternoon, was proclaimed by Gun to be "the best day ever!"

It is always interesting to listen to my children to see what really makes them tick and it is not an easy task in the busyness of our days. Stopping to really read between the lines is an art. Learning what language speaks to them the best to convey my love is so important to me. My language is not the same as my child's language so giving what I think is needed does not always secure them in the best way. This is a humbling lesson and it requires reliance on the Lord. Learning to listen and give to my son what speaks to his soul is like learning a sort of foreign language. The benefits are worth the struggle it takes for a mama (and a daddy too). The pleasure and assurance that my child receives is truly worth it. The unprovoked verbalization of his contentment is priceless.

Of course, the next day was declared the "worst day ever!" when his brother or sister took something of his...oh, the highs and lows of life.

Math lesson:

Donation of well loved but abandoned toys = Pick one new toy + Popcorn dinner = Three loved children.