I am better, how are you?

Kitten therapy = good stuff

Just got up. Today is a new day. I will take things slowly and keep expectations low of myself for now. My body is healing well and so is my mind. Two nights ago when we returned home, I did not cry and only teared up once yesterday. I fully realized that our growing baby was not born alive and did not feel pain and know anything of what happened to its tiny body and life. That is comforting to me. It is not that I am trying not to cry, I just didn't cry or need to cry. I know the hole in my heart will get "softer" as Carole told me.

The kitchen island is a wreck with my homeschool journal open to last week..books, notes, receipts of life and living from the week before lay askew and waiting for organization. There are drink rings on the granite. The island is the hub of my days. I have noted the days of my miscarriage in the journal. The rest is blank. Today I will fill it or begin to refill it for learning opportunities for the children and I for next week and onward. We (really it is me) are still just getting a grip on meal plans, laundry, enjoying the cool weather and making sure all are doing well. We each, with the exception of little T, have grieved in some way. I did not expect it from my almost 4 and almost 7 year old but they had some problems with dealing with their Dad and I and how we were reacting/acting about the miscarriage. I did not hide my crying, anguish and shock from them. They saw the paramedics take me to the hospital afterall. All of us seem to be on the mend though I think. This passage floats through my head easily as it rests engraved on a cross in my kitchen window.

For I know the Plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you . Plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:1

I know that God has plans for me and my little family. His plans are not my plans but I am certain they are special and specific. It is right there in the Bible!

Martin does need special prayer. His mouth is especially tight these days..we think from the stress of what just happened.

I want to clean the house or at least just mop the floor. It needed it two weeks before the miscarriage and now I have added two more weeks of life to it....ick. I want to go to Walmart and pick up my new huge umbrella clothes dryer and buy some new clothespins. We noticed a $100 drop on our electric bill over the summer while I was using our single line dryer on the porch so we decided to get a larger one and I enjoy hanging laundry and diapers so that will be fun to set up soon. I will probably not go today though...I am not ready to haul big things and three kiddos...yet.

All in all, today I woke up with a sense of purpose and desire to live my day out a little more than the day before it. It is my first day "on my own" with the children and it will only be a half day at that...I am well supported and blessed with plenty of love and help. But not too much help that I don't get back in charge over here. I am Mom afterall. I am still hormonal and emotional at times. The children's noise is a little more annoying than usual for now. I have noticed that my belly is more slack as before and can fit in some regular clothes already. I was just beginning to show last week. I am feeling "slim" and that is a nice feeling. I can drink my favorite white wine, and black coffee. I prefer half decaf/half regular Dunkin Doughnut coffee..yum. The cool weather is inspiring. The friends and family that surround me and let me just...talk....is nourishing my soul. My pastor nourishes my soul with his teaching. Today I will make Chicken Quesadilla Pie from Simply Organic Recipes ( I tried to link but could not) and devour it tonight with my family. I have only been making sandwiches and pouring milk over dry cereal for days and am eager to get cooking again. I will bring my son to Taekwondo training tomorrow I think. I will resume it in time myself I think and then get little almost 4yo Win into it...he is dying to go to Taekwondo. It would make fair advantage so the boys can spar each other instead of Gun knowing how to block and kick, Win can give it right back!

I have something that we all have been learning about and enjoying for the last month or so... a new kitten! His name is Tom (Gun named him) and this weekend, we may add his sibling to our family. Yes...we will own five cats!!! Crazy cat people, I know. I love baby everything and think Tom needs a feline buddy too. I plan to save pennies to buy this since they are going to be house cats and I think our home would be nicer, cleaner, fresher, happier with this investment. There will only be two cats in the house and three in the shop/porch off the garage. I have lived with multiple cats and it is truly the one downside..litterboxes!

There are lots of animal learning opportunities...life is a classroom. Gun is learning when and how to use the water spray bottle to train Tom NOT to climb on the curtains, the kitchen table or the kitchen counter....Gun wants to spray him all the time for fun but is showing patience, restraint and discernment to use it for Tom's training. Last night, my 20 month old girl hauled a 3 lb. bag of dry kitten food all the way upstairs to her big brother (she wanted zero help I tell you!) and then he opened it and they all three fed and watered him...I am still working on teaching them to sweep up after Tom but it will come in time. It is a joy to see children with animals, it truly is a joy.

That is how I am doing, how are you?