The Man and the Scars

(August 2008. The night before the first surgery to remove the tumors. The way I liked the way he looked, just the way he was already...a major time of uncertainty and fear.)

(November 2009. One year and 60 pounds later. A mouth like a vice but still manages a smile as before the surgeries, chemo and radiation. His voice is altered due to the tight mouth. He still looks good to me!)

"for Christians, this is the closest to hell we'll ever experience. For non-believers, it's the closest to heaven."

A mutual friend of a friend and her husband have learned that their unborn baby #4 may have some genetic problems. She sent this quote to me in reference to them. We are praying for them to be thankful to God for their challenge and for their fears to be comforted. Every time I awoke last night, I thought and prayed for them. I know it is like being squeezed through the neck of a very narrow glass bottle. You won't fit but you must go through anyway. That is how I felt last year and even now.

Another friend once said to me regarding M's cancer...'no one gets through life without some stuff.' You may think that it just isn't fair right? I did and have and continue to struggle with it all. But, if you regard it as a challenge with blessing attached to it, the whole problem becomes an opportunity (for the believer and unbeliever alike). If you let yourself go to this quite contemplative place inside, then it is possible. I have said to M that I think this cancer may be the worst thing we ever experience on earth. Or, it is preparation for something much, much more challenging that we will face one day. Maybe something with one of our children, our parents or other loved ones. I am always this optimistic in reverse I guess you would say. I tend to see the glass of lemonade have empty but hope for the best...like maybe a fresh pitcher of lemonade...then, it feels like such a treat..and, in these cases, a blessing.

The Man and the Scars. Sounds like the Moon and the Stars. Here I share the Man's first email following his first surgery:

Hello everyone,

" In everything give thanks, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" I Thes. 5:18

" When I am afraid, I will put my trust in Thee" Ps. 56:3


Tuesday, 12 Aug, was my surgery date. Traci and I left the house early to be at MD Anderson by 0500. After the check in process, I was assigned a bed and here we waited for the day to begin. A chaplain came by and prayed with us. I thanked him and also told him what a remarkable mission field he had to give the gospel and be an encouragement to believers.

My time came and I was wheeled into surgery. I remember telling Traci that I would see her soon. I was on the operating table for 9 and a half hours. It took that long due to the extraction of the tumor and the reattachment of the donor skin and tissue grafts. The surgical team kept my wife informed of the progress. After surgery, I was kept in ICU for 24 hours. This was to monitor me to make sure that the surgical recovery was on track.

The entire tumor was removed and the skin, muscle, tissue, artery and vein grafts from my arm and leg have been successfully transplanted. At this time, I am still on a feeding tube and have a tracheotomy tube to provide relief for breathing. My face did swell up quite significantly which gave me cartoon like similarities.

I was released from the hospital this past Monday. I am currently recovering and will be back to MDA for two follow up visits next week. One visit is with the plastic surgeon to assess his work and the other visit is for a barium swallow test to make sure that there are no leaks in the mouth and nose. Once I pass that, I can begin eating somewhat solid food again which means the nasal feeding tube comes out. The trach tube will also be coming out soon. I refer to it as my dog collar.

The final decision as to whether I will have radiation therapy is pending the results of the lab reports on the tumors that were removed. We will know more by next week.

This week my wife also had her checkup from our midwife. Everything is going well which is a relief due to all the extra activity that we have been having.

My thanks to all for the many kind words, helping and prayer support. It has been overwhelming.

Semper Fi

Martin, Traci, Gunnar and Winston

What a mission field indeed as time would tell. Though I thought his naivete was deep in approaching his cancer treatment, in time, his confidence in God and His timing never wavered and even today, he continues to rely on the Lord for his strength. There really is not any closure with cancer. Not people, not the government, not his finances, not the weather, not his wife's good or bad attitude or his children's rebellion or contentment but the Lord and his grace.

(This is the first installment of M's journey in email updates through cancer and the aftermath. It is offered as a comfort and encouragement to my readers.)